I’ve typed and erased what I’ve wanted to say to you approximately seven times now and none comes out exactly right. I either seem too cross, too desperate, too forgiving, and none of them would accurately portray what I’m trying to say to you. It’s okay that you don’t agree with my lifestyle and how I planned for my future; I don’t think I expected you to agree with me, but I can honestly say that I expected you to at least respect my decisions and to still want to be my friend.
Our friendship is so bipolar. Every second you jump, like you’re not even sure if you want anything to do with me, and it sucks to say that I’m so sick of saying sorry to you for absolutely every little single thing. I know you… You’re going to tell me that none of this matters to you, that I’m the one being completely ridiculous, and I know myself… I’m going to fall for your trap again.
I’m a weak person. There’s not a single second in my life that I’m not trying to please somebody, and that rule doesn’t exclude you. My life has changed profusely since I’ve met you and whether you can tell that or not, I’m telling the truth. I’m becoming more realistic and confident and though I’m forever trying to impress you, I’m liking myself more while I’m at it. I’m just a friend (or maybe now an acquaintance…), but you are so much more than that to me.
It’s just really sad that you will never realize it. …and this is where my heart crushes. Goodnight.
Ps. I hope you realize soon how much I actually care about you and overthink absolutely every thing you say to me, and that I can’t possibly wait for you, unless you’re willing to take down your shield and show that you care too.