Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31, ESV
So in my response to a post I made a couple of months ago, I’m finally letting go of a few things. Excited for Adventureland to end in a month. Excited for school to end in a month. Excited for the busy-ness of work to end in a month. Excited for rest to start. Excited for Thirst to start. Excited for happiness to finally be contained.
Despite the Lord’s want for me to rest so long ago, I’ve been pushing through for the past couple of years. Not only in America, but in the Church, it’s hard to rest when everybody just tells you to GO. Go out on this outreach. Go to this prayer meeting. Go to my accountability group. (I’ve been watching too much Shoot Christians Say…) Go to a foreign country. Gogogogogo. It’s so exhausting. Since I’ve become a Christian these past two years, that’s all my life has been. Even in moments with or without school. Even in moments with or without work. I still had no rest. For anybody, it’s exhausting… For an introvert, it’s the absolute worst. “Hey Jenn, plan this event.” Okay! “Hey Jenn, are you going to the barbecue?” Of course! “Hey Jenn, want to go to Face2face with me?” Why not? “Hey Jenn” “Hey Jenn” “Hey Jenn”. It’s amazing I haven’t fully broken down into the fetal position yet. I’ve become such a “yes person,” that I don’t even know how to say no anymore. I mean, if you don’t do things, you’re rude and/or lazy, right? That’s what society wants you to think and wants you to think God thinks, and that is a lie.
If God can tell us no in situations, in thoughts, in obstacles, then we can also say no. We don’t have to tire ourselves out relentlessly, because we have nothing to prove to Him. Jesus has already died for us on the cross and washed away our sins. Like I said in an earlier post, we do not make him love us through works, for He already loves us. He created us. He knows our limits, our strengths, our weaknesses. Not only does He know, He listens and understands. He wants us to go to Him when we freak out because of decisions that we’ve made. He wants us to go to Him when we don’t know what to do with our lives. He wants us to go to Him when we need peace. He wants us to know that as long as we are carrying on our lives for Him, we don’t need to overexert ourselves. (What’s sad about this is that I still don’t feel like I do enough…)
So with that (and a LOT of wrestling with the Lord during my Jesus times), I’ve officially decided to take the summer off of school to rest. And from where everything looks right now, possibly the fall also. I don’t necessarily know what I want to do, but I know what I want to push into Him more. I want to do what He wants me to do. And so I think I’m finally ready to do it. I’ve been researching more and more discipleship training schools and more and more UK mission groups. I’m just ready to just divulge myself into Him and to rest in His peace, because He already knows where my life is going. I have a good feeling that 2014 is going to be my year.
I don’t think I’ve been this excited for my future in a while.