She loved to run. It was something that has always been natural to her, and she always felt more peaceful when she did it.
She ran when she was happy. She ran when she was sad. She ran when she was frustrated. She ran all the time.
But this time, she needed to get out. She needed to get out of her house, she needed to get out of her head, she needed to get out of chaos, and she needed to enter her happy place.
For the past few weeks, it’s been like this every day. Her heart would start beating faster. Her body would start to feel weak. She would cry, and she would shake, and she couldn’t stop any of it. She couldn’t control herself.
She didn’t know how she got to this point where she was so unhappy. Nothing was wrong, per se. Her life was great. She had great friends, a great family, she was doing well in school and succeeding at her job, but she felt restricted, she felt unhappy, she felt mundane. Which only frustrated her more, because there were people with bigger problems out there. People who didn’t have what she had. People who were truly suffering. But she was the one who felt imprisoned. Thoughts kept on rushing through her head: “You selfish girl. Why do you always want more? Why isn’t this enough? Why can’t you appreciate what’s been given to you?”
So as soon as she stopped shaking, she started to run. And run. And run some more.
After a period of time, she realised she had no idea where she was anymore. She was surrounded by trees, and it was dark. She’s only seen these kinds of surroundings in movies, and in the movies, these situations were not good. It meant danger was coming and that she should find familiarity.
But she didn’t want to be comfortable. That’s what she was running from in the first place.
But the sounds of the night were scary. The trees felt like they were closing in on her. She had no idea what else was out there.
So she did what she did second best. She cried. She cried about her selfishness. She cried about her guilt. She cried about feeling inadequate and that she couldn’t do more. She just cried.
But the wind started to blow through and oddly enough, it was soothing. Her fears of the dark forest were calmed, as she felt tranquil and composed. She felt like somebody was around her, but she couldn’t see a thing.
Then a voice popped into her head: “You are more sinful than you could dare imagine, and you are more loved and accepted than you could ever dare hope. [Tim Keller] Your sin is not greater than God’s mercy. [Nouman Ali Khan]”
And then suddenly, she understood.